Journey of Joy

A woman once asked me, “How can you be so happy after all you’ve been through?”

So profound was this question, I’m not sure what my response was or if I even had one.

I thought about this question a lot for weeks after it was asked of me. What struck me most was the word ‘happy.’ Happy is not a word I would choose to describe the things I’ve been through. Yet, oddly enough, it is what this woman saw in me. Or is it?

During my thought processes I determined happy is based on happening. Just look at the words; happiness, happening, happy; it seemed to me that happy is a root of happenings and many of the happenings in my life haven’t been happy. Many of the happenings in your life, the lives of others aren’t happy happenings. So what could the woman who asked the question be seeing in me? I decided it had to be joy. For joy, I believe, is ever accessible even in the yuckiest of life’s events, joy abounds.

From the time the question was originally asked, and while there were plenty of happy happenings, the years progressed bringing more difficult times, more challenging life events for me. And these events, occurrences have reinforced within me that what this woman saw, all those years ago, was simply, joy.

Of course I had discussed this topic with my family, even brought it up several times in motivational talks I have given. A few years ago my sister said to me, “…well, at least you have joy.”

This comment was as profound to me. When she said it I heard it in a way in which joy was somehow given to me and not to her, like it missed her genes. As I began to ponder and study this idea of joy, I realized the perception of joy being given to some and not others, is a misinterpretation, a misunderstanding like the misinterpretation of happy actually being joy.

The creation story, told within the Hebrew Text aka the Old Testament, while it is told twice with some differences, it does express the importance, the intensity, and balance of masculine and feminine via a few simple yet impactful verses, “So God created…in the image of God...male and female…God saw everything that He had made…it was very good…God said, the man is become like one of Us, to know good and evil…” (Genesis 1:27, 31 & 3:22)   There is a Latter Day scripture which reads, “…men are that they might have joy.” (2 Nephi 2:25) In Galatians (5:22) joy is given as one of the ‘nutrients’ of the fruit of the Spirit (notice it is fruit singular, not fruits plural so by partaking you ingest all the nutrients of the fruit of the Spirit). More recently I have learned, or I am still learning would be the better way to phrase this, that joy is a ‘lesser’ or ‘minor’ Universal Law  aka Spiritual Law.

I bring this up here, now, because I have been approached many, many times since the original question and my sister’s comment, about how do I ‘bring’ or ‘have’ joy in my life. For the next several weeks it is my intent to touch on this, to offer to you some insight and tools of the things I’ve learned, I am learning, on my journey of joy.

Joy isn’t just in the journey it surrounds the JOurneY. Joy abounds in my life and it abounds in yours as well, really, it does, I promise.

Here’s a little token towards one of the tools. I believe this quote to be spot on correct. Take in every word, let it absorb into your being; believe it, yes, believe it…

“Believe in Loves infinite journey for it is your own, for you are Love, Love is Life.” Rumi

Purely, truly, simply Love Life and you will begin to purely, truly, simply experience Joy.

From my Joyful Heart to Yours!

Simply Serve

There’s always something, as moms, we do which annoy our children. Something I did, really still do but I don’t get ‘the look’ so much anymore, is volunteer my children to do something. For example I’d see a need at a neighbor’s house, maybe they just got home with a car load of groceries, I’d say, “Go over and help carry those groceries in.” Or the garbage men would be making their rounds on a scorching hot Las Vegas summer afternoon, I’d say, “Take them out a juice box.” Often I’d get the ‘are you serious’ look which, in return, I’d give the ‘yes, I’m very serious’ look.

My children, who are now all adults, just shake their heads whenever I say, “Oh, my kids will be happy to help.” The fortunate thing is I really don’t have to ‘volunteer’ them as volunteering or acts of service are second nature for them and for this I am deeply grateful. I witness my children from varying vantage points and I am continually awestruck by their gracious hearts, their impactful actions, the positive influence they emit to the Universe, and their continued inspiration.

As I share a bit of my children’s actions which I’ve recently observed may you, as I have been, be inspired. Also, may you notice anew, that service comes in many, many shapes and sizes, degrees of depths, can be fortuitous or purposeful.

My oldest daughter is an amazingly devoted wife, mother, business owner. Her commitment to her family reverberates into community, society, or as John Paul II said it best, “As the family goes so goes the nation and so goes the whole world in which we live.” We don’t have to look much beyond our own front doors to know this is true; nor to know the truth and contribution to our economy of good, solid, hard working business owners. Service, at times, is being devoted in your roll as a mother, father, child, sibling, business owner, employer, employee. Simply being the best you can be within the four walls of your own home or place of employment is a great act of service in and of itself.

My oldest son, who is in his first year of graduate school working towards his doctorate in physical therapy, seizes the many opportunities to serve which come to him through school. He doesn’t have to go out searching as well organized opportunities abound, if you simply be aware. This isn’t all he does to serve. I often have people approach me when they ‘catch wind’ that I’m Chris’ mom and tell me sweet little stories of something Chris had done for them. Actually, it isn’t just the act but the authenticity of which the act was done that made the greater impact. Going through the motion of an act of service is one thing, but doing it from a true, authentic place takes things to a whole new Universal level.

My youngest son is so unexpected. He sees, he does, that’s it. There’s no fanfare, no preplanning, no searching, it simply just is. I have neighbors come up to me and say, “Did you son tell you what he did?” or “Your son did the most amazing thing for me…” or “Did you read the letter your son wrote for such and such cause?” No, I didn’t know, is almost always the case. He simply sees, does, done and the Universe responds to such clear simplicity.

My youngest daughter, an amazing woman; she teaches school and works part time for her sister. She never uses her busy schedule as an excuse not to serve. She volunteers for Habitats for Humanity, she makes sandwiches, drives to homeless areas, and passes them out, since my accident 14 years ago, even with her dislike of needles, she is a constant blood donor, and her recent volunteer adventure which requires training and screening is for one of the local hospitals, selecting the Intensive Care Unit as her first choice. When I was in the hospital I was in ICU and then isolation. As a young teen, the experience of having her mom there could have left a negative impact. As a young adult, watching her daddy fight for his life and crossing over after 2 ½ months in ICU could have left a negative impact. Instead, she has chosen to face her fears, seek the positive, and then simply make a difference.

My middle son shared a sweet story with me last night. He has a ritual of waking up reading a few scriptures, going on his knees to pray and within the prayer he always asks, “Let me be of service to someone today.” He tells me the opportunity doesn’t usually arrive for him. But, on Wednesday after the prayer he’s thinking about what he should do before going to work, take a walk, go to the gym, watch television. While he’s tossing the ideas around, his intuition tells him to take the garbage out.  Without thought or question he heeds his intuition and grabs his garbage. He no sooner does he get out the door when he hears a woman say in an elevated, frustrated tone, “Fuck!” He asks, “Are you okay?” She responds, “I have a flat tire, can you help me?” Okay, God, Goddess, the Universe, Creative Source, whatever name you associate with doesn’t often use the “F” word to grab your attention. However, you should begin to attune with your intuitive-self and know, every now and then, you simply must step outside your front door.

I am very proud of my children, truly, wholly, as much as any mother could possibly be and, having said that, I take no credit for their fabulousness. The Fab-Five would be as fabulous as they are with or without me in their lives. They are divine children of the Universe, sons and daughters of God. And so are you, SO ARE YOU.

I share these stories with you because I have a firm belief in acts of service as well as acts of gratitude. May these simple stories inspire you; remind you as I said in the beginning that service comes in many, many shapes and sizes, degrees of depths, can be fortuitous or purposeful. Just simply, purely serve one another.

If you are looking for a service project to be involved in, I’m assisting a friend of mine with collecting items for the VA office in Las Vegas. If you are interested, leave a comment here, email, or send me a message on Facebook. And remember, there’s no reason not to keep it so simple.

With deep gratitude, Sat Nam.

Wacky, Wondrous, Whatever, What If Wednesday

Isn’t it a bit ‘wacky’ when from out of the blue a memory surfaces? For no apparent reason, nothing occurring which would summons the memory and yet there it is, clearly before you. Yes, you guessed it, it happened to me last night. Doing my normal ‘wrap up the day’ stuff, a memory silently, beautifully surfaced…

In the late 80’s I was an exhausted single mom, working two sometimes three jobs. After my two beautiful babies were tucked in I’d force myself to stay awake a few extra moments to read. Often it would be the Bible because typically whatever novel I was reading I had to reread to remember what I had just read and some evenings that took too much effort. Scripture was easy as I could randomly open it, read a few lines and call it good.

This one particular night I had just settled in opening the ‘good book’, when I heard my little boy’s tiny-quiet whimper and crinkly-diaper- toddler walk approach me. As I set the book down it struck me odd, albeit I was a bit annoyed, how the pages seemed to flitter about, falling and settling open at its own desired place, losing mine.

With a little tear in his eye, my son stood over the book. Before I could scoop him up and give him a mommie hug, his nose began to bleed, not bad, in fact it was one drop of blood which landed smack dap in the middle of the page where the book chose to land open. I gathered him in my arms, made sure he was okay, and whispered mommie things in his ear as I carried him back to bed.

After tucking him in, I decided to skip the reading thing, hell, I didn’t even know where I was now that the book decided to fall open to another place. This was a Red Letter, New International Version, the single blood droplet landed on a page where the book spread had only one red letter sentence, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9…

While it’s ‘wacky’ this memory came from nowhere last night, it isn’t ‘wacky’ that I have recalled this memory often. This scripture, which by the way, my son used years later as his missionary scripture, has been a source of inspiration and comfort during difficult times. The memory appropriately surfaced several times while I was in the hospital losing my legs, often during the long rehab, of course while Jeff was in the hospital and several times after losing him and my dad and our business and not getting close to grand babies and not feeling enough and wearing the noose of guilt, and, and, and…but last night there wasn’t an and…so after the memory came I closed my eyes, found my center, and listened. It didn’t take long, although I expected a discourse, to powerfully hear, “Surrender.”

This morning I ponder the memory and the single word message. As I do, one more thing continues to surface, that being, it isn’t all about me. So I offer my intimate memory and power word to you, those whom the Universe sends my way. Whatever name you associate with, be it Christ, Creative Source, God Goddess, or all as One, hear the message, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

We are not alone. We are all connected. We are so much more then we can even begin to comprehend. Seize and Surrender to it! And, make it a wacky, wondrous, whatever, what if Wednesday.

Wacky, Wondrous, Whatever, What If Wednesday

Last night as I went to shut off the lights I noticed a packet; an envelope had fallen out of a stack of mail Garth had brought in. Picking it up I saw it was from a friend whom I have gone through BIG and now DEEP with.

As with all my ‘sisters in paint’, I am blessed to watch Jeanie, her creative soul, heart, and art emerge and evolve.  Many FEARLESS Painters incorporate trees into their creative, intuitive, playful, painting process, but Jeanie’s trees are remarkable, alive, they speak of her and her devotion to Creation, to Mother Earth. Here, within the packet was a heartful/artful card. The words she had written sealed the end of my 49^th year journey as well as greeted my 50^th. On the back of the card is one of her signature painted trees.

Attending the arborist intensive this week and having one of Jeanie’s trees in my own hands on my birthday gave me pause; again reminding me and deepening my devotion and appreciation for life. How amazing is our God and Goddess, our Great Creator. The workings, the well thought out plan of organization, the intricacies of each living creation; it is quite miraculous.

Each day this week of the intensive, I am being taught by and sitting among brilliant, educated, individuals. These people know their stuff about trees; they are arborist, botanist, horticulturists; I simply love the life of trees;  I simply love life. All I bring to this intensive workshop is devotion, enthusiasm, and wonderment; what I take away will only magnify this which I bring.

One of the instructors said, with regards to the knowledge being offered, “It is like taking a drink from a fire hydrant.” For, me I am attempting to drink while splashing and playing and wondering. But, is this not life for me anyway be it trees, FEARLESS Painting, or all else which encompasses me…always skipping the water fountain and heading out to the hydrant, letting it wash over me, filling me to over flow?

“There are only two ways to live life. One is though nothing in a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” Einstein

An Unedited Delightful Mess

There still remains no explanation as to why I have been so dry in writing and yet, as always, there is no lack of inspiration for ‘it’ surrounds me. Simple every day experiences, the odd little things I tend to notice, an image, phrase, my goodness life is chock full of inspiration. There has even been an influx of synchronicities, sweet, amazing, synchronicities. If being chock full of inspiration or an influx of synchronicities isn’t enough to end the writing drought, well, the nearing end of this, my 49^th year journey, certainly should be.

As I finally approach this writing I find it disjointed, a bit messy, cluttered. This is me; even a sprinkling of my life in review over just a week seems messy; my head is cluttered. Could it be writing isn’t dried up but my thoughts, ideas, words are simply a cluttered mess? Is this a bad thing?

Could it be I must embrace the mess with gratitude that I recognize the inspiration, synchronicities, the anxiety, and powerful messages which I receive and which remain tucked inside the next seven or so days, tucked away waiting to be given during my next revolution around the sun. An influx of inspired life, amidst a disjointed clutter mess, gathered and brought together with and through the obvious and subtle synchronicities; therein gifts from the universe. Sharing this with any whom may read this post, I don’t necessarily think you’ll notice what creates my mess or what messages I receive but it is my hope you will be aroused to seek inspiration you’re chock full of, the influx of your synchronicities, identify your anxiety, discover the powerful messages the universe has for you.

I have been banking on my birthday to spring my writing back on track, taking time to simply write my clutter; however, this coming week is crazy busy and is one which will be taking me out of my comfort zone, literally. Today through Thursday I will be attending a Tree School intensive workshop at SUU. Okay, briefly I will explain. A few months ago I was asked to be on our town’s Tree City USA Committee. Feeling as if I was/am ready to get involved in ‘society’ again I said, “Yes.” I may have also said yes in part because the gentleman who asked me to participate on the committee had asked me a while back to be on a different committee and, at that time I said, “No.” The next day, this dear neighbor underwent quadruple bypass surgery. How could I say “No” this time? While being part of the Tree City USA Committee doesn’t require, but offers a four day intensive, our little town board and the gentleman who originally asked me to be on the committee, asked if I would attend. This will be a great opportunity for learning but I am scared, intimidated, and literally going out of my comfort zone.

Last night, while speaking with my oldest son, I mentioned to him my anxiety and other feelings with regards to this upcoming week, with taking this intensive at SUU. He said, “Mom, I think these feelings are good and I think it is good you are doing these things.”

I have been asked to narrate a Christmas program being held Wednesday evening. Not having spoken for months and because again I was/am feeling I’m ready to step out into ‘society’, I accepted. After all, I don’t have to write or memorize, only read, this really should not be a big deal. Now, with the Tree Class Intensive happening, I’m feeling more scared, more outside my comfort zone.

And, it’s my birthday this week; my 50^th or, as I choose to refer to it, my Joyful Jubilee. Already, yesterday, I returned home from a quick trip to Las Vegas. I was there with my sons to join my daughter who had planned a wonderful birthday celebration. My daughter made me my favorite dinner, eggplant parmesan, pasta, Caprese salad, and chocolate molten cake with fresh raspberries and whipped cream…yummie! Then, they took me to see the Lion King live.

At my mom’s, where this wonderful 50^th birthday dinner was held, there in the same space was my fabulous five. All of my children, my oldest had brought her beautiful three children, my mom, my sister; for a moment in time, in the same space, well, I can’t locate the words, the words are dry, Mom’s house cluttered with ‘us’, but the emotion, the feeling, the gathering, the view of magnificence, divine wonder…”There is nothing outside of us. It is all in us." ~ Yogi Bhajan

Watching the Lion King live was spectacular and I’m grateful for the opportunity to have seen it. A message, an inspiration, part of the synchronicities, creativity clearly there on that stage.. How cheesy is it to say, “…part of the circle of ‘my messy’ life.”

Friday, after the four day intensive, after the narration, after my birthday, after all of this ‘outside my comfort zone’, I will head up to Salt Lake to spend a few days with my oldest son. While up there, I chose to sign up for an art workshop. Even this is beginning to fill me with anxiety. I’ve only taken a few workshops online. I’ve never gone to a studio, with other students and done ‘art’. Although I’m really looking forward to this experience, again, it’s way out of my ‘comfort zone.’ It’ll be different doing an art workshop from some place other than the safety of my bedroom and with others watching besides BabyCat.

 Mixed in with these things I’ve written here, are other things which I’m doing, other things which have filled my inspiration, things which I view as synchronicities or part of anxiety, but all which accumulate to offer messages.

If you’ve read any of the posts from during the spring, I wrote often about the intuitive creative workshop I took called, BIG. Currently I’m in DEEP, which is the workshop following BIG. I can’t say enough what this ‘program’ has done for me. Recently I said to Connie, the facilitator of FEARLESS Painting, “BIG and DEEP has done more for me then the years and thousands of dollars spent on therapy.” In DEEP, among many things, I have come to adjust my thinking and definition of purpose and devotion. Also, DEEP calls for a deepening relationship with Creative Source. Deep calls unto Deep, I adore this scripture. You can find out more about FEARLESS Painting here http://www.dirtyfootprints-studio.com .

Last Monday evening I saw this video  ~ http://lds.org/pages/mormon-messages?lang=eng#create .  Regardless of your religious, spiritual beliefs or how you may feel about Mormon’s, I encourage you watch this under 2 minute video.

Later in the week I came across this video which is well worth the 10 minutes ~ http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Ftedxtalks.ted.com%2Fvideo%2FTEDxSF-Louie-Schwartzberg-Grati&h=3AQEHFh6qAQG6fhmaIMDgw4BXQshU7DZiIT4YeoyA6mFfOQ

Along with taking DEEP, I’ve also recently finished up the Partnering with Spirit workshop. The facilitator of this workshop is my friend Lisa Dieken. She has provided me with guidance and tools which have enhanced my spiritual journey work. You can learn more about this workshop and Lisa over at http://www.wildcreativeheart.com .

A few weeks ago I had a long distance Reiki session by a dear friend Pam. I was kind of skeptical about it but it proved to be amazing. Pam is quite gifted. I am still reflecting and reaping the benefits from our session. If you’re interested, let me know, I can hook you up.

I’m also attempting to stay on track with Honoring the Divine Feminine Sadhana sponsored by Spirit Voyage. It began on Thursday, December 1st. If you’d like, you can find out more about the Sadhana here ~ http://www.spiritvoyage.com/GlobalSadhana/HonoringTheDivineFeminine. Seeking my own divinity has been part of my devotion on this, my 49^th year journey, and one which will continue on during this Joyful Jubilee.

On Friday, December 2nd, I was going through a stack of books and came across one which was given to me by my Mother-In-Law, Arlene, shortly before she passed away. I had forgotten about this book and was over joyed to rediscover it. It’s entitled The Wonder of Christmas 50 Meditations on the Birth of Christ. It offers morning and evening readings each day from December 1st thru the 25^th. Fanning the book open, I happened upon page 17 which is the 2^nd’s offering, but before going to the beginning of the writing, my eyes fell upon this sentence, “It is Mary, an extraordinary personality, upon whom the light of the Christmas story first falls.” What a powerful thought in honoring the divine feminine.

Pam, my Reiki friend, sent me a gift, two books and a Shaman CD. I, again fanned opened one of the books and randomly read, “…clutter and mess show us that life is being lived. Clutter is wonderfully fertile ground you can still discover new treasures under all those piles, clean things up, edit things out, fix things, get a grip. Tidiness suggests that something is as good as it’s going to get. Tidiness makes me think of held breath, of suspended animation, while writing needs to breathe and move…” From, Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott.

So there you go, there I have it, only a sprinkling of the inspiration, synchronicities, anxieties, experiences, “clutter” of my life from the past few days and the anticipation of the next few. “All of this and you remain dry?” I ask myself. No, not dry. I am on fertile ground. Life, my crazy, cluttered, oozing with humanness life springs up from this. Much has grown there in the fertile ground of my life and much remains left to say on this, my 49^th year journey. Now I shall take the joyous clutter which has accumulated and made up those 49 years and embark tomorrow on this, my Joyful Jubilee. I need not to perfect it, but share it, even if it only be with me, for in doing so I can’t help but clean up, edit, fix, get a grip, grow, expand, be me…writing, art, creativity, living the divinity within simply needs to breathe and move and continue to grow.

Wondrous, Wacky, Whatever, What If Wednesday

Yes, it's been a while; been feeling a bit dry in writing, creating, being, simply a bit 'odd'. It isn't for a lack of inspiration as Autumn is my favorite time of year, it offers great promise, even more then Spring. And yet Autumn seems to be a bit 'odd' as well.

Beginning to think I've not really moved far beyond my insecurities, my weaknesses; not receiving a response to a heartfelt message, misinterpreting the response from another, overly thinking this time of year six years ago, fighting the urge to unearth Jeff's grave, battling increased panic attacks, wondering why there's been no answer to my request to hand cycle an up coming marathon, more yuck of not feeling like I'm good enough and seeing everyone else as so much better then I, feelings of rebellion but no sure of what it is I rebel, maybe myself...oh my list can go on and on and it becomes heavier and heavier...really, Jules, time to release, lighten up, let go, use these as fuel most especially the rebellion...

Chris asked me to light a candle, an offering, a prayer for him as he takes a test today. As I went through my own little preparation, ritual if you will, I kept wondering if I have it within me to implore unto the Heavens, I even, for a brief moment wondered is IT real? As I wrote an intuitive little prayer, request on behalf of my son, I was reminded that Chris, each of my five children, everyone, even insecure-weak-odd-little me has been given all the knowledge, confidence, wisdom...all we will ever need and more, has been given to us by Divine Grace...

As I closed my eyes in reverence of the offering, prayer, candle ritual a few recent images came to me ~

1. Driving back from town I had seen a young buck dead along side the road, this isn't unusual out where I live, yet this time I was more sensitive, filled with a deeper sorrow, a feeling how this creation of God was discarded, disrespected, abandoned without purpose - in this moment God infused within me even this deer is not forgotten by Him.
2. Seeing a tiny four week old baby, speaking with the new mom, watching them together - in this moment God infused within me none of IT is accident IT is by His devotion to love IT is real.
3. A dream, journey, time spent with the guides God has given me - in this moment God infused within me the validity of me, my own tiny most needful part of the shift of existence, "wait upon Me" he whispered.
4. Chris' phone call last night, his request for me to light a candle for him - in this moment God infused within me the requests of my own life and the candles He has lit on my behalf.

Oh again and again and again, even while wallowing in the mire of humanness God and Goddess touches me, ever so tenderly, lovingly touches me and their touch lights a candle within reminding me, once more, all I need I have in this moment...shine on little light, shine on.

Wacky, Wondrous, Whatever, What If Wedneday

What is abundance to you?

Abundance has been dancing around in my head along with my thoughts of dreams.

(funny not until I wrote this did I acknowledge the word dance in abundance)

Could it be dreams and abundance aren’t two separate ‘things’ but partners? One leading to the other and back around. Yes, partners, dance partners. Your dreams, not wanting to sit the next one out asks abundance to do what it’s waiting, wanting, devoted to do, to fulfill why it’s there on the dance floor of your life. Then, following each dance, sweetly kissing your dreams?

~

The disciples asked Jesus, “Why do you speak in parables?”

He replied, “The knowledge of the secrets of the kingdom of heaven has been given to you, but not to them. Whoever has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him…Though seeing, they do not see; though hearing, they do not hear or understand. In them is fulfilled the prophecy of Isaiah, ‘You will be ever hearing but never understanding; you will be ever seeing but never perceiving. For this people’s heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn, and I would heal them.’” Matthew 13:12-15 NIV

~

“Whatever we are waiting for – peace of mind, contentment, grace, the inner awareness of simple abundance – it will surely come to us, but only when we are ready to receive it with an open and grateful heart.” Sarah Ban Breathnach

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“Expect your every need to be met. Expect answer to every problem, expect abundance on every level.” Eileen Caddy

~

Do you desire to seek the secrets to the kingdom of heaven? What are your expectations? Do you realize your needs are met? What is the condition of your heart? Where is your awareness and understanding? Are you prepared for abundance? What other aspects are on the dance floor of your life? Do you choose to dance? Do you receive and reciprocate the kiss? What are you waiting for?